Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Inch by Inch, Roll by Roll... Would Somebody Tell Me Where All The Toilet Paper Goes???

There are many phrases that are regularly overheard in our house. Things like...

That's not fair!

She did it first!

Can we have chicken tonight?

and... MOM! We're out of toilet paper!

My children seem to go through a roll of toilet paper faster than a policeman can go through a box of doughnuts.

It's insane! How much paper do you really need? The Dragon is trying to be careful - she carefully counts out four squares each and every time. I don't know how careful The Princess is - only that she lectures The Dragon about how many squares to use. But yet, the toilet paper rapidly disappears from the roll.

We are beyond the days where a toddler might entertain himself by carefully lowering the end of the roll into the toilet, and watching the roll unwind as flushes the toilet.

We also do not own a cat, which might find the roll of TP quite fascinating to unroll.

There is only one thing left to assume - someone is sneaking out in the middle of the night with our toilet paper with the sole intent of decorating someone's house.

Seriously, what else could it be?

Sadly, my days of toilet papering are over.

My first experience with it was during the summer with my church youth group. It was a hot sunny day. We were waiting on the front lawn of one of our leaders homes awaiting to attend some activity or another, and they were late. Really late. We were bored. And we all lived nearby. What to do, what to do? Oh yes! Run home, get some toilet paper, and get busy. Their house and tree were sufficiently decorated by the time they finally arrived. And we were all sitting on their lawn, quite proud of our creativity. Thankfully, they had a sense of humor. :)

I also went toilet papering during several 'church' sleepovers. We usually headed for the home of the leader who chose NOT to attend the sleepover. The best part about these toilet papering events was that the OTHER leaders actually went with us. It's true.

And then there was the one time that I cleverly climbed out of my bedroom window to meet some friends to go toilet papering. Only one other friend showed up, but that didn't stop us. We decided to toilet paper the home of someone whose kids we hated to babysit. The kids were terrors, the parents were in denial, and they paid horribly. The next day, one of our acquaintances who knew about 'the plan' asked if we visited this families home. We tried to deny it, but we're quite proud to admit it when he told us that he had received back pay for about two months of baby-sitting because this family thought that HE had been the one to attack their home. Who knew that toilet papering could be a good deed? :)

The only time that I went toilet papering that I ever regretted it was during the summer after I had graduated high school. A bunch of us decided that it would be fun to decorate our AP English teacher's house. The motive was 'revenge' but in truth, I really liked her. I went, but I only pretended to decorate her home. I didn't have the courage to stand up to peer pressure, but I didn't really want to do it. I almost went back the next morning to help her clean up her yard - but again, I was too afraid. Ironically, that was the last time I ever participated in this sport.

So, if it's not me... who is the toilet paper theif? I'll leave it to your imagination.


Blogger dubby said...

I found a lovely three ply toilet paper at the store, but when I brought it home, it seemed that the toilet paper monster LOVED it. The sheets were so puffed up that there were very few on the roll compared to normal rolls, and I was changing it several times a week.

5:07 AM  

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