Thursday, June 28, 2007

Give me strength, Give me silence...

If only the headache would go away I might actually feel that I might be able back a little bit of control over this thing called life.

On Tuesday, I had to go to the dentist. I do not like the dentist. To make a long story short, I had to get 4 fillings, and I've had either a headache or some mild mouth pain ever since. The pain does seem to be decreasing, and I have experienced something like this before so I am not necessarily worried. But I am tired of being in pain. I have been told that I have a high tolerance for pain - this may or may not be true - but when it is constant (even if it is only a dull ache), it wears on me.

Mix in a moody 7-year old who refuses to do anything you ask/tell her to do. I am so tired of fighting her. I know that ultimately I must continue the battle "for her own good" but let me tell you, it's killing me. We've bribed her with a scooter, we've offered her cash, we've even offered one-on-one time with Mom or Dad. It just doesn't seem to work. We've done it the hard way before (YOU WILL DO WHAT I SAY WHEN I SAY IT) and none of us really seemed to like how that went. But gosh, the nice way isn't working, so what else is left? The only punishment I haven't tried is to take her books away from her - and I really don't think I can bring myself to do that. Punish my child by not allowing her to read? That just seems wrong on so many levels. There must be a better way.

However, this attitude MUST BE STOPPED. My sweet 4-year old is picking up on certain behaviors and I don't like it. The Princess doesn't like it when her attitude gets shoved right back at her by her little sister - but she doesn't seem to realize that the little sis is only mimicking her big sis.

The King, unfortunately, has been picked on by me because I am feeling so awful. I am simply not a nice person to be around right now.

I have mostly been keeping to myself, which allows for a lot of time to analyze myself, my behavior, my family, my household, etc. I don't really like what I see - most of it having to do with me rather than other people. It's time for a change - but where on earth am I supposed to find the strength to make this change. (Yeah, yeah, I can hear the churchy people now - "Your strength isn't on earth! It's in heaven!" This may very well be true...)

I am tired; I am salty; I require *silence*.


Blogger Deb said...

Oh dear! Wish I could offer some sort of help!!! Hope you're feeling better soon!!!!

1:04 PM  
Blogger Diane said...

I can relate. And, I love reading your blog, Karen. Wish you were still around.
Love, Diane

10:15 PM  

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